Should A Woman Feel Forced To Wear Wedding Rings And Change Her Name?
Written by Admin on December 11, 2010What if she doesn’t aforementioned those traditions, which impact invalid to do with one’s relationship?
Originally posted 2009-09-01 01:20:11. Republished by Old Post Promoter
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20 Comments to “Should A Woman Feel Forced To Wear Wedding Rings And Change Her Name?”
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2:40 am on September 1st, 2009
well i personally think it is a beautiful thing once you get married to share the same family name, it shows you are no longer your dad’s girl, but rather your husbands family. it also is a foundation for starting your own family and i believe wedding rings are very important symbols of ones love for another and they are what represents and shows the world that they are married.
in saying that, its merely my point of view. nobody should be forced to do anything they dont want to do. its their life, nobody elses.
6:38 am on September 1st, 2009
There are many cultures and countries where neither bride nor groom wears a ring and both retain their birth name.
The ring started out as a physical symbol that the both could afford and was willing to support the bride financially.
The changing of name related to the paternity of children being obvious, and of course the bride was passed from the care and control of her father to the care and control of her husband. Women had not rights and from then on were referred to Mrs [Groom's first and surname], so her identity was totally subsumed.
The name on your birth certificate is always your legal name. Using the husband’s surname is accepted by society wihout a legal name change.
Retaining birth identity and not wearing rings has absolutely NOTHING to do with commitment to each other.
In Australia a growing proportion of grooms are changing their surname to that of the bride, but no-one is suggesting that those who don’t are any less committed.
I
9:40 am on September 1st, 2009
I would recommend talking to your intended and if your intended agrees with you then it should be no problem. Regardless, it’s your choice. There are many women, famous and not who retain their maiden for personal or career-related reasons. As for the wedding rings, I believe it should be a mutual decision between you and your intended. If you choose hands down, maybe you all can have some other representation or none at all. All in all, no, a woman shouldn’t feel forced by those traditions. Who says you can’t make your own?
2:09 pm on September 1st, 2009
The short answer is ofcourse not. But there are really 2 interesting questions here:
In regard to wedding rings, most women WANT to wear a ring. I do not think it is imposed on them. It is perhaps strange, but every culture I know of, has some tradition by which women like to post their status of availability: engaged, married or single/available. On the island of St Lucia for example, there is a quaint tradition whereby the women wear headscarfs that are differently arranged depending on their status. Every curious tourist is introduced to this tradition.
In regard to changing names, this too is currently a choice (at least in our current US culture). In some foreign cultures women never changed their names. Here in the US, with women increasingly getting married in their 30s after they have engaged in a successful career, they often choose to keep their maiden name because name recognition may be important to their career. This was certainly true for my wife and for my daughter.
6:22 pm on September 1st, 2009
well nobody should be forced to do anything. If a girl doesnt want to change her last name that should be up to her! I know a few girls that did not take their husbands name, i also know a few girls that have a hyphinated last name and i also know one girl that her husband took her last name! As for the ring, i guess she shouldnt HAVE to wear the ring, but to me the ring is more of a simple comitment,(unlike changing your name). It represents something for people to see, its kinda like a reminder of a promise you made to your spouse.
10:43 pm on September 1st, 2009
Nowadays you dont have to change your name but most women still do. It is good to change your last name if you plan on having kids, so that your kids will have the same last name as you (avoids confusion dealing with schools/strangers so they know you are the mom).
You could hyphenate your name like if your name was Jane Smith and his name is John Peters you could be:
Jane Smith-Peters.
Or at your job go by Jane Smith but legally change your name to Jane Peters or Smith-Peters.
Anyway if you against the traditions of marriage then maybe you shouldnt get married. Because the ring is a symbol of never ending love (hence the circle) which IS a symbol of your relationship/ marriage.
Not wearing your wedding ring is an insult to your husband and men might still flirt with you because they think you are unmarried with no rings on. Also he would have wasted thousands of dollars to get you nice rings, only to have you insult him and not wear it.
You dont have to wear the rings all the time but you should wear them if you are married. Like around the house you dont need to wear them. But every time you go out in public you should wear the rings.
11:11 pm on September 1st, 2009
No, of course she should not feel forced. Your love for your spouse has nothing to do with whether you wear a ring or take his name, and it says nothing about your relationship if you do or do not keep those traditions.
My mother never wears her wedding ring. She hates jewelry, she’s a nurse so she’s always doing things with her hands, and she loves my dad very much. The ring is a symbol that doesn’t really mean much to them, because it doesn’t have anything to do with how they feel about each other.
My dad wears his deceased father’s wedding ring, as a way of honoring and remembering both of his parents (who passed away a few years ago). It has nothing to do with his relationship to my mom.
5:45 am on September 2nd, 2009
At the moment I dont think any of the old commonwealth countries do that. Who is going to force her? Her husband? How? With a divorce?
Many women don’t change or hyphenate their husbands last names. I personally dont like hype nation. I’m happy for the woman to do what makes her happy. I’m not the kind of who would put pressure on someone not to change her name because the practice stems from sexist roots. She should do whats comfortable to her. In this day and age i’m sure most men wouldn’t force their wives to change their names if the woman felt a connection to their original names that they have lived with for so long and that they inherited from their fathers. Its a part of who they are. I think the fact that most men don’t mind is the main thing. Whether the woman changes or not is secondary.
8:57 am on September 2nd, 2009
In Western societies, it is generally believed that people are free to do as they wish. I do not think that forcing someone into something is a good basis for a Western marriage, and if your fiance is forcing you into anything, you should reconsider whether marriage to that person is a good idea. Now, if your fiance has expressed a preference you should be able to talk about that, and come up with a reasonable solution, but the word “forced” makes it sound like a demand rather than a request.
I have always been extremely independent. I choose to wear a wedding ring and I chose to change my name. My sister chooses to wear a wedding ring, and chose not to change her name. One of my friends chooses not to wear a ring, and chose not to change her name. My husband chooses not to wear a ring. I think all of those choices are fine as long as they are made freely.
3:54 pm on September 2nd, 2009
No, no one should feel forced to do those things.
When I was with my ex (boyfriend for 3 years) and we talked about the “possibility” of marriage I always told him I didn’t like the idea of changing my name, cause I liked it just the way it was. I was born and raised in Puerto Rico, and there women do not change their last names when married. Whenever we broached this subject, he’d get annoyed/ mad, and just drop the conversation. Now I realize, I was never really sure about marrying him.
When I married my now-husband, we tried to keep it a secret at work, but that didn’t work out, cause I was so proud and excited to be his wife, I just couldn’t bare taking my rings off. I was proud to be wearing them!!!
The same day I got my marriage certificate in the mail, I went to the SS Office and DMV to change my name.
I have a friend at work that doesn’t wear his ring, and his wife is okay with that. In just about any conversation he’ll bring up some sort of comment about “my wife”, so you know he’s is devoted to and in love with her.
It’s just a matter of preferrence, that should be addressed with “the other half”, nonetheless.
4:13 pm on September 2nd, 2009
The acts of wearing a ring and changing a last name are both methods by which one can demonstrate an increased level of commitment to the act of marriage.
The acts are unnecessary, of course. But not doing them will result in that much less commitment being demonstrated. This might not matter if it is evident that there is already a very high level of commitment in place. But, if not, then it might be wise to explore other avenues by which to supplement the existing level of commitment.
10:07 pm on September 2nd, 2009
Rocky – Not changing your name is the highest form of selfishness you can think of??? Really? You can’t think of anything more selfish than that? How about a mom who smokes crack throughout her pregnancy? (one of the first things I thought of with the word ‘selfish’)
Anyway. I don’t think anyone should feel forced, but at the same time, I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to. I can’t wait to wear my wedding ring and change my last name! And I’m not even gung-ho about traditions, but I love that I’ll have the same last name as him.
3:55 am on September 3rd, 2009
I wanted to retain my maiden name for professional reasons, but I don’t want to have a different last name to any kids we may have so I’m compromising by hyphenating. It’s not ideal, but at least I can still retain my professional identity as well as create a family identity (of course, the kids wouldn’t have to take the hyphenated name. They’d take their dad’s name and could choose to add the hyphenation at a later date if they wanted it).
7:41 am on September 3rd, 2009
No one should be forced to do anything. It is all a matter of how you feel about it. In my opinion, it unites the two people as one with the name change, and the rings symbolize your commitment to each other.
12:48 pm on September 3rd, 2009
I don’t feel as if I was being forced to, and I feel no pressure that I should take his name, I have just chosen not to.
As for rings, I don’t understand why any woman wouldn’t want one! (But I am a jewellery fanatic!)
6:24 pm on September 3rd, 2009
these days, no. if it’s ok w/both of you, do what you feel is right for you.
1:23 am on September 4th, 2009
I’ll happy to wear a ring, but I am not changing my name!
No one can force me so I don’t feel forced.
1:57 am on September 4th, 2009
i dont know one women who has not dreamed of wedding a wedding ring! women don’t always change their names. ur dumb!
6:40 am on September 4th, 2009
then don’t do them
10:20 am on September 4th, 2009
IMO she can do what she likes with the wedding ring – but if she didn’t want to change her name I’d understand the guy calling off the wedding.
Retaining her maiden name causes all sorts of trouble & confusion – especially when kids come along.
That is the highest form of selfishness I can think of.